Monday, December 17, 2012

finally on break!

well now that finals are over, I finally have some time to post!  I finished finals last week..which was sooo stressful, but I made it through with my lowest grade of an 88 overall! so I can definitely deal with that.  I came home Saturday night and it is so so nice to be home!  Juan came home with me and came with us to get our Christmas tree!  I had to take him to the airport today which sucked.  he's 12 hours (by plane) away from me ): but in a month i'll get to see him again! so I guess i'll live.

anyways, things with body image have been horrible.  today, my dad told me that I look "so good" and I feel "like I should."  I know he means it in the best, most caring way possible, but I can't help feeling like I've gained so much weight and am just so heavy.  I don't know...I just feel like I need to lose weight.  I have wanted to crawl out of my skin lately and it's a horrible feeling.  i'm not sure what to do.

i'm hoping that with time i'll get used to where i'm at.  I know that I feel so much better than I have and I have so much energy.  but it still is really tough to be at the highest weight I've ever been at.  I wish I had an idea of how to accept myself and the weight i'm at..

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