good different.

today i was just thinking about the changes i've noticed within myself.  a lot of good changes.

i went to the gym today.  just like i do every day inbetween classes. but i've found that i'm not focusing on the calories i'm burning as much. or if i miss a day it's not as big of a deal as it was before.  i go because it makes me feel good about myself. or at least better. i feel better about how i look. and better about what i'm eating. overall, i think it's becoming a healthy habit for me rather than an unhealthy one. and i feel stronger than i have in a really long time. which is always an amazing feeling.

and then tonight, i had homework i knew i needed to get done tonight (the weekend is looking pretty jam-packed) but i wanted to do something fun before i came home and got into studying and such. and in the past, i would've been like what could i do with a friend around hmm let's say 6:30 (a.k.a DINNER time)?
coffee? yeah...coffee sounds perfect. it will give me something to fill my stomach with. pretened like i'm going out to dinner. yes yes yes. best plan ever, right?
but instead of suggesting coffee or something that didn't involve food/drink at all..i texted a friend and was like, "hey we should get dinner." and i didn't think twice about it.  i wanted to go out and get something to eat with someone. and i wasn't anxious about it at all.

and then i came home and of course, had to do homework. but instead of standing up at the bar in our kitchen like i always used to..i was like, the couch sounds so much more appealing. and i took my crap downstairs, maxed out on the couch and did my homework. (i should really be studying right now, but i really need a break). i've been a lot more comfortable with sitting and relaxing lately. something that was virtually unheard of before.

so i'm not really sure what exactly my point of this post was. i think just to kind of reassure myself that even in the midst of so many things feeling like they aren't falling into place, and even with the feeling of unrest inside myself..i am still making progress. even though it's not as obvious as it was when i was gaining weight and eating all sorts of new foods and all of that..it is still progress. and i still need to look at all the positive thing i am accomplishing.  i think a lot of times the positives in life get hidden behind all of the negatives.  you can do so many great things, but then one mistake, one mess up, just completely hides anything good you have done. and i think it's important to keep finding those positives. even if it's just one little thing you did that day.