never enough.

it's been a while since i've posted. and things have been going pretty well. i mean, i really have been the happiest i've been in a while..and i feel like i keep improving.

but why can't i just get past this fucking body image thing. everything is going so well. school, friends, family, a new boyfriend. everything is falling into place. i am so close to playing tennis...and i'm going to get weighed tomorrow so we'll see if i'm any closer. but right now i am feeling like absolute shit about how i look. i don't know how to fix it. i don't know how to get rid of that disgusting, nasty, gross feeling.

how is it possible to feel good about yourself and how you look? how do people do it? part of me feels like no one has good self esteem. some people can just play it off like they do. is it possible? because to me it really doesn't feel like it. i look at other people and all i can do is point out the things that are better than everyone else than about me. i can't stop comparing. and feeling envious of everyone.

how can you be content with who you are? if anyone finds out please let me know. because right now it just seems pointless to even try. because no matter what i do, how i look, etc. it's never never good enough.