why not?

it's so crazy to think that a year ago, i was on the phone with various treatment centers trying to figure out what i was going to do.  if you saw me now, you would never know that i had a history of an eating disorder. i've been eating everything in sight lately (for some reason i have been starrrrving like, all the time) and i'm at a healthy weight.

the question that i wish i could answer is how did everything change? i want to be able to come up with an answer so badly..not for myself but for everyone else struggling. i don't know what flipped the switch for me, but i guess it was just i got to the point where living became more important to me than  my body. and it's crazy because in the moment, you don't feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. it seems impossible to EVER feel better about yourself...and obviously gaining weight is the LAST thing you would think that would help.  i remember when i was back in treatment,  therapists would tell me "your body image will improve the longer you stay at a healthy weight" and thinking that they were 100% out of their mind. but coming from someone who tried it, they are actually right. the confidence i have in myself is better than i've had in over seven years. at the highest weight i have maintained in seven years. weird huh?

i guess what i'm trying to say, is to anyone having a really hard time. what is the worst that could happen if you put your trust into your parents, friends, treatment team, doctors, etc.  the life you're living while deep in your eating disorder is probably not one that you're having a good time with. and you have tried to fight what everyone else is telling you...why not try something different? you might find that it brings you the most confidence and happiness you've had in a long time.